March 28, 2012

Boyz 3 Men



Wow, these dudes plan some shit out. I have never seen so much effort from men outside of the Dallas Metroplex. This trifecta date plan happened at the Yellow Jacket on Friday night. I had a bit too much tequila and was cracking "three" jokes left and right. Some were not funny, I won't lie to you. I would've made out with one of the plaid sisters, but I only have two breasts. I know that motherfucker is spoiled with his six.

I think Boyz 3 Men are on a comeback. "Never trust a big butt and a smile" is one of the best lyrics ever written.

March 27, 2012

Mijo Got Caps







No way, "Latino Soda"? As a card carrying Latina, I would like to thank HEB for making sure I don't miss Aisle 12 when I am looking for my beverages. Aisle 12 needs to pay for my silver caps, and every mijo out there. I blame you Aisle 12. That shit ain't right.

March 20, 2012

SXSW - Snapshots

































































































 




SXSW - Almost a Hunk and Babe, Almost

An ass is a necessity to be a Hunk and Babe. If these two would've done a handful of squats leading up to SXSW, they would've made the cut.



 Ok, let's face it, these broads will never be Babes. Rip out their voice boxes, shave their stupid hair, put them in unmatched clothes, give that middle gal a real straw instead of a penis straw, and we still won't have Babes. There should be only one bar where this kind of species can roam with one another, I think that bar is in Dallas.



 Damn, McStud is right. He would've made the cut if his shirt didn't instantly remind me of that pink material that was circling the internet, you know, what McDonald's hamburgers are made of. Damn, McStud, so close.




1. If Practical Hippie wasn't wearing that knitted hat in 80 degree weather, she might've made the cut.
2. If Pachouli Hippie on the left didn't look and smell like a dumpster, he too might've had the honor.
3. Happy Hippie in the middle didn't make the cut because her dirty ass was walking around barefoot with her dress half off. I saw her tits and it wasn't pretty. And, tell your son to quit flicking your nipple, that was weird.

SXSW - Street Stylez























 


 









 

 


Cheers to the raddest dude at SXSW.

March 18, 2012

St. Patrick Hates Sixth Street

What a non-Irish shit show. After the SXSW fun at the Jackalope yesterday, I was walking down the dirtiest of Sixth Street (that's all of Sixth, mind you) and came across too many fucking morons to count all celebrating St. Patrick's Day. I loathe St. Patrick's kooky wear. People pull together the most eye bleeding ensemble, then troll downtown littering our pristine streets. The funny thing I noticed is that my people (La Raza) aren't dressed up with green feather boas, and wacky green socks. Nope. This is a gringo specific activity. Even when it's Cinco de Mayo, or Mexican Independence Day, we keep our shit in a margarita glass. Sure, we get a little rowdy, but at least you won't trip on that curb when you're neck is being whipped back because of some dude in a green thong screaming, "Kiss me, I'm Irish!" No, you're not. You're Polish.

As my father would say, "Que es esto, chingao?"




I told this guy he couldn't use the bus as part of his St. Patrick's ensemble, that's cheating. He then tried to put on his plastic hat over his sunglasses, numerous times. Also, his vodka shirt gave away his non-Irish blood.



I would love to jump in on their conversation.

 
Wow. 1995 non-Irish. "I'm fucking so hard tonight."
(not sure what that means, so many interpretations)


Mom and Dad non-Irish, or UT undergrad non-Irish? Could go either way.


 
Elf non-Irish? Think he played on the patio of Wendy's on 6th and I35.


 
These two non-Irish just hauled ass from Barton Creek Mall. I think they both wanted to punch me in the face for taking their photo.


Ms. Merchandise non-Irish. Way to step it up, lady.


 


What the fuck is going on here? What are these things? This isn't even ok for non-Irish strippers.


 
Ugh. This non-Irish couple just made sick. I think it was that dudes pants and flops.




Now, this motherfucker is Irish!




I can't make this shit up. This was one of those hold-my-camera-up-and-hope-I-get-a-shot moments, and boy, did I. There are too many non-Irish things happening in this shot of a lifetime. From my Jewish New York cousin in the thong with his nasty, dirty ass crack, to the gay/straight dude palming his junk, to the white MC smoking a blunt, and the wigger on the right who said, "This is so muthafuckin' tight and dope, yo."
And, finally I got him! The only Irish dude I found on Sixth Street yesterday was the guy at the bottom who looks like he was being held against his will. I tried to free him, but it was like our fingers couldn't grasp one another. I think he started crying. I kind of did too.