Are You on the Localeur Tip?

Well, you are now. I just joined the Localeur team and I'm stoked! I will be bringing you the goods, as I see it (wink), for us locals, and for our friends who come visit; gotta love those friends. Localeur is a curated group of people in Austin who give recommendations on what to check out and what to avoid in our lovely city. Austin is the first city to have this little gem of a resource, with many more Localeur sites to come throughout the country. Localeur Houston is starting up next week, so peep that if you need some pointers while in H-town.

Hey, it's Memorial Day, and I just wrote my first piece: 4 Bars Where I Want to Hit on the Bartenders. How could you go throughout your holiday without this golden information? If I get any of you laid, or even a titty flash, hit me up because you owe me a beer.

Check it out, and check out some of the other recommendations. There's some good stuff on there.

The End is Really Fucking Nigh

What are you guys listening to today? I am so stoked on the new Queens of the Stone Age album, I can't stop listening to it. I'm especially digging these animated shorts, they're pretty mesmerizing. I know they are coming to ACL this year, which is cool and all, but I would prefer to see them at a venue like the Mohawk or the Red 7, right? Not next to some Noodler in Teva's who just jammed out to String Cheese something-or-other with his sweaty hoola-huping girlfriend in fairy wings, you know? That is some buzzkill shit. And, put some shoes on, Noodler!

Summer 2013 - Underboob Cleavage or Bust

Is it just me or do you find it incredibly provocative and a little exhilarating when you spot a lady with underboob cleavage? I kind of wish all ladies would chop off their blouse's and T's at the rib cage and just let it bounce out. I'm so over the standard, run-of-the-mill cleavage (can't trust it!). All that predictable flesh being forced in my face. That pushy sternum and her annoying chest bones. No. I want to tilt my head slightly and check out a lady properly; check her out where it matters, where the heat is, where you can see her fertility potential and nurturing abilities. Am I right, dudes? And, how about in swimsuits? I am so into a little slice of woman-flesh peeking out from the bottom of a bikini top. HOT. That's it, I'm saying it and I mean it: The summer of 2013 is all about the underboob cleavage. Get up on it, ladies!

Don't Stand Behind Me

What are you doing Friday evening? Well, you shouldn't stand behind me because my drunk-ass will be launching a hatchet across the patio at the Buzzmill's First Annual Jamboree! Is there anything more terrifying than a bunch of tipsy-turvy knuckleheads tossing a hatchet while jamming a flapjack in their mouth? When I say terrifying, I mean RADICAL and pretty much my ideal Friday night.

I am crushing so hard on the Buzzmill right now. He's a hot, sweaty coffee man by day, and a tall frothy fresh pour of a mug at night. There's a hint of cigarette smoke and cedar around his collar, he's got rough man-hands, and he's there 24 hours a day. You feelin' me?

Come on by tomorrow, we can feed each other beef jerky, and get the growler hiccups! Check the Buzzmill's Facebook page for updates and info on signing up for the contests. The Builders and Butchers are playing at 8:00 pm. See you there!

I've Been Immortalized

Today is one of those days. The weather is perfect, my morning coffee is just right, I'm not hungover, and I just got five drawings in the mail from the lead singer of Valient Thorr, Valient Himself! I commissioned Valient Himself to create some portraits of me for Miss Austin, and his results are pretty spot-on. One of the raddest dudes in metal, in one of the raddest bands in metal, is pushing his art through so many avenues, it's exciting to keep up with. He sells his drawings here, Valient Thorr has a new album coming out in June - Our Own Masters - along with a summer tour, and he mans Valient's Vlogg where he reviews bad/awesome flixxx. Man, I thought I was hustlin'! This dude is my hero.

Check out the goods:

Miss Austin as Venus

You can see more of his drawings here. Dudes, there is an Ultimate Warrior and a Macho Man Randy Savage drawing on his Etsy store page. I am not kidding. 

Thank you, Valient Himself! See you in Austin this summer!