Mixommelier of the Week - ME

I'm blowing the whistle on some alcohol fuckery, and I'm blowing it loud. Yes, I like to booze. Yes, I am drunk a lot, and, yes, I do know the value of a cocktail. Nothing makes me clench my buttcheeks harder or clutch my pocketbook tighter than a overpriced beverage. The mixology jig is up.

SXSW HARD NEWS - Hot or Not?

For all you super-serious types who want to talk about snare drums, songwriting and sound boards, I assure you, this is not the article for you. This piece is for the boners in the crowd.

TUFF MUFF - DON'T SHAVE (NSFW - duh, I just said 'Muff')

Attention: Meet the baddest bitches in Austin!

Fitness Tip of the Week!

Fitness Tip of the Week!
I'm wearing my hottest Juanita Fonda thong leotard right now as I am typing this.

Coat and Tails: Shit-Squealer of the Week!

Holy shit this is the best gift ever, THE END. I’m sure we have all seen pet portraits but Coat and Tails, run by local Bryce Dishongh, really ups the anty. He specializes in hand-drawn portraits of dogs, cats - or really any animal – with graphite, charcoal or digital processes. His style is whimsical with a hint of regality. He says, “I draw dogs in human clothing mainly because I love the aesthetic of children’s book illustrations in which animals are clothed, but I also feel that pets are caught in this weird limbo between human and non-human worlds.

Hot Tamales of the Week!

To kick off the pick of the week series, I'm bringing you some loud, hot tamales to ease you into Monday. This is the kind of lady spice that will make you happily clench your butthole just enough to soften your afternoon commute, or, make your lunchtime PB&J taste like a porterhouse with sweet vagina brown butter on top.

The ladies of Las Navajas are my Hot Tamales of the Week!

New Website, New Series!

New website, new series! Welcome back, friends! It’s good to see all my old pals back for more. If you are new to Miss Austin, then I welcome you. As some of you know, I have a love affair with the locals of Austin. I’m into everyone - the punkers, the loud mouths, the city witches, the dumbies, the creatives (everyone), the musicians (everyone), the burnt orange crowd, even the northsiders (Ok, Round Rock, you can come party). I’m pretty much titty-bumping all of Austin.

Do512 - A Guide to Hot Wings in Austin

I WANT ALL THE WINGS. My pals over at Do512 have put together a bitchin' guide to all things hot wings, and it's pretty good...

Throwing Some Love to Austin Bartenders with Sailor Jerry

Calling all bartenders, bar owners, managers and plain ol' regular drunks: Sailor Jerry is kicking off a search for America's most appreciated bartenders and they're asking YOU to nominate them. I feel it is my duty to support two of my best pals: Sailor Jerry and booze. SO, if you have someone in mind, someone who you think could represent Austin in the most bitchin' way, skip over to the link below and tell them why you love him/her so much. On December 6th - "Bartender Appreciation Day" - two lucky bartenders will be named America's most appreciated, and Sailor Jerry will take over their bars for massive "Sailor Jerry Presents.." concerts in their honor. I can think of a few 'tenders who I would like to nominate, I'm sure you can too. One of these shows needs to be in Austin. Let's make this happen, people.

HUNKS OF THE WEEK

YES! I'm fucking starving over here. I have been on the man meat hunt all summer. Cruising the east side, south side, North Loop, pretty much everywhere except Round Rock (we all know the nonsense up there). During this Hunk vision quest, I came across not one, but TWO Hunks who are doing their thing at the widely popular and delicious, Qui restaurant on E. 6th St. Yes, TWO! Sure, we all love Paul Qui and what he is doing to our tastebuds, but who are the men on the frontline of these culinary-gasms? I want to know. YOU want to know.