AFHF: Get Your Shit Right, I'm Coming For You

Welcome, Boston! Ladies and dudes, Thursday March 14 it's going down at The Grackle. If you haven't been to the Grackle Rock party during SXSW, then this is your year! For the entire music portion of SXSW, The Austin Facial Hair Club puts together a great show in partnership with some rad bands, great people, and bitchin' food, and I am lucky enough to be a part of one event: The Austin Facial Hair Fiasco. The Boston Facial Hair Fiasco is bringing their party to Austin this year, and I will be a judge at their beard and mustache competition that evening. Look, I'm not fucking around. I will need to get all up in that man hair to make a proper assessment. I will need to feel that shit all over, ALL over. I am taking this seriously. By serious, I mean that I can be bribed with booze and bearded butterfly kisses.

The Austin Facial Hair Fiasco is being presented by Tallboy Industries.
March 14, 7:30 pm
The Grackle (1700 E. 6th Street, Austin, TX 78702)
Performing:
Mellow Bravo (Boston)
Toy Soldiers (Philly)
The Beards (Australia)

There will also be hot man meat shucking oysters for free, provided by Island Creek Oysters (MA).
Hot damn!


More details at Do512 here. Check back for more updates.



Follow me on Instagram & Twitter: @missaustintexas

Pong Ping Master

I am going to pull a fucking hammy. This weekend I am participating in the Red & Black Rebellion ping pong tournament on Sun, March 3 at Frank. The event is presented by Uberpong, who is the world's first table tennis design community.They are working with local artists to showcase their art on table tennis paddles - be gone boring black and red paddles! I will be supporting the cause and teaming with The Mind of Adi to rule the media tournament. Come check us out, my ass will be spiking tiny balls, chugging beers, and jamming meat casings for fuel. The event starts at 3:00 pm, media tourney starts at 4:30 pm, followed by the men's and co-ed tournament.

If you would like to sign up to participate in a tournament, check out their Facebook event page for more info.

Does anyone have a pair of rec specs I can borrow?

So It Begins.....

SXSW is creepin' on up, and I am ready. Well, I'm almost ready. I'm on a new regiment of only drinking fresh water from the Greenbelt, 10 pull-ups a day (more like 1), crushing up my Flintstones vitamins and sprinkling them in my Smooth Move morning tea, and loosening up my joints by only bending at the waist (hey, fellas). My system is going to be on-point come March, just in time to destroy it for a solid 3 weeks.  

I have some fun parties I will be participating in throughout SXSW. Actually some pretty rad shit happening, and one just got announced: 

Yes! I'm teaming up with Suicide Girls, Sailor Jerry, Hotel Vegas, and Volstead Lounge to bring the pain: 


Presented by: HOTEL VEGAS. SAILOR JERRY. & VOLSTEAD LOUNGE 

First 100 people get FREE 1 YEAR SG MEMBERSHIPS!

Live SUICIDE GIRLS hopeful casting with MISSY SUICIDE!

Interactive SUICIDE GIRLS PHOTO BOOTH

Performances by:

    BOBBY JEALOUSY    KAY LEOTARD
    RUBY FRAY
    SEXPLOITS
    AMNESIA BABIES    dj MAHEALANI
    dj CHANTAL    + SPECIAL GUESTS

Pop-up vintage market place by:

AMERICAN ICON rock n roll mall            
Live blogging by MISS AUSTIN
Book signing with MISSY SUICIDE
Art + video installations

CHARMAINE SUICIDE as DARE GIRL
and MORE!


Ladies, you looking to show off those hot gams? You feeling adventurous? Well, Missy Suicide will be there to do live casting! Bring your pretty and attitude because I'm gonna want a piece of you too. The first 100 in line will receive a free membership to Suicide Girls (dudes, c'mon!). Bands, booze, photo booth, vintage shop, and lots and lots of hot babes. WIN.

Check out the info on Do512, and see you there!


Keep checking back as I will be posting more info on parties, happenings, photos, and more importantly, lots of dick jokes.


Follow me on Instagram & Twitter: @missaustintexas

HUNKS OF THE WEEK

This week I'm giving it to you where it feels nice and smooth. That place where you want to crawl up with a breakfast taco and a hot pair of tits. That warm place that drizzles tequila raindrops, and $1 pints. This is the place where work doesn't really exist, we all just float around clinking beer mugs and blowing kisses to each other. This is utopia. Welcome, The Austin Facial Hair Club, they are our Hunks of the Week!

You Like? I Like.

What are you listening to these days? Anything good? If so, please share. We're always looking for bands to showcase and blow our wig off. My pal, Krytor (yes, that's her name), gave me the new Night Marchers album and I can't stop listening to it. Check it out if you, ya know, like good shit.

Listen and buy. You can check it on Soundcloud here. Fisting the Fan Base is on permanent rotation now.
Cheers, Krytor!

Friday Pup!

Meet Tony, a rescue who is" handsome in a Steve Buscemi kind of way."

Mom Says: "His spirit animal is Joe Pesci from Goodfellas.

Tony likes barking, his stuffed hippo, spooning in the sun with his girlfriend Frida, eating pecans in the backyard, and showing off his under bite.

Tony dislikes anything with wheels, especially baby carriages and garbage trucks."

Tomorrow it's all going down at Hotel Vegas! Come support pups like Tony at the Austin Pets Alive benefit, I Wanna Be Your Dog III: Puppy Love. Silent auction starts at 8:00 pm. 

I need to see more photos of Tony showing off his under bite. 

Mas Dogs and Kitties!

These little cuties are gearing up for the Austin Pets Alive benefit, I Wanna Be Your Dog III: Puppy Love, are you?!

Rufus and Rocky

Rocky on Rufus

Meet Rocky and Rufus. Rufus was adopted from Austin Pets Alive. 
Dad says: "Rufus' favorite food is steak tartare with a nice arugula salad with cat turd custard for dessert. He's very gassy most of the time. Rocky's favorite food is everything. He's like a fucking goat. He eats towels, wood, cigarette butts, weed, poop, etc.

Rufus likes old school hip-hop: A Tribe Called Quest, Gang Starr, Wu Tang, Nas, EPMD
Rocky likes rock music: Turbo Negro, Motley Crue, Cock Sparrer, Dictators, Motorhead, etc.

Rufus gets what I like to call humping seizures, these uncontrollable spams where he starts humping the air. He walks/humps around looking confused until it stops. Rocky's favorite way to show dominance over other dogs is to sit on their heads when they're lying down."

Meet Ike. Ike has his own Tumblr page, check it: http://ikewhatareyoudoing.tumblr.com/
Mom says: "Ike plays fetch. His favorite thing to play fetch with is cilantro. He meows in his sleep and is probably the cutest cat ever. He sleeps on my head and he hates when people run. He jumps out and attacks their legs."

Meet rescue Dane, Willa.
Mom says: "Willa can gallop like a pony but prefers to lay on the couch. She's afraid of pretty much everything except cheese, bacon, couches, snow, and squirrels."


The silent auction starts at 8:00 pm and will conclude at midnight. Local businesses who have donated items being auctioned off include:

Alite Laser Hair Removal and Skin Rejuvenation
Artwork by Allyson Lipkin
Artwork by Bill Jeffrey
Artwork by Bruce Lee Web
American Icon Vintage
Antone’s
Antone’s Record Shop
Austin Film Festival
Avant Salon
Azure Skin Spa and Clinic (treatments with Ciara Conway)
Botticelli’s
Cenote
Charm School Vintage
Dust and Drag (by Laced with Romance)
Eagle Claw
End of an Ear
Ezra Haidet Tattoo
Feather Your Nest
Filin Austin
Folk Lore Jewelry by Lindsey Gore
Freebirds
The Golden Boys
HEB
JetBlue Airlines
Joey Ortega Tattoo
Laced With Romance Vintage
Morning Sun Acupuncture
Moss Designer Consignment
Musashino Sushi Dokoro
Neiman Marcus
Neu Skin Organic Skin Care by Elizabeth Bentley
No. 9 Dream Hair Salon/ Sara O hair
Olive and June/ Parkside/ Backspace
PATH Salon- stylist Jean Barton
Prototype Vintage Design
Rust & Stuff Antiques
Riverboat Gamblers
Second Restaurant
Splendor Boutique
Stag - Provisions for Men
Stray Fox Jewelry by Amanda Parrot
Sugar Mama's Bakery
SXSW Music
Tiff's Treat's
Titos Vodka
Topaz Salon- stylist Jene' Maroney
Touch of Sass
Trailer Space Records
Uchi + Uchico
Waterloo Records
Wheatsville Co- op
Whole Foods Market

Come support our furry friends and let's keep Austin a NO-KILL city!

(Insert paw print)

I Wanna Be Your Dog III: Puppy Love

In honor of the Austin Pets Alive benefit, I Wanna Be Your Dog III: Puppy Love, this Saturday, Feb. 9 at Hotel Vegas, I am posting some of our local furry pals. Some of these cuties even came from APA! Let's get in the mood, shall we?

Meet Reggie, the Boston Terrier, who has a penchant for the herb. 

"What you need to know about me is first and foremost I am a P-I-M-P. I may be small but I have a mighty will. My most very favorite things are: balls, barking, wrestling, eating food off your plate when no one is looking, drinking coffee out of my moms coffee mug, lounging, hanging my head out the car window, and chasing squirrels."

Meet Sugar, the sassy boy cat with a feminine name, 15 years old.

Says Mom: "In his old age he has become a cranky old lap cat but still loves his fake mouse toy.

He once got stuck in a tree, Mike Weibe climbed the tree to get him out, and Sugar peed on him.  He also went missing for two months, although he ended up being underneath our apartment complex the entire time."

NUGGET!

Meet Chicken Nugget, a new Instagram sensation. Holy shit I want to eat this French Bulldog! Chicky Nuggs is 4 months old. She loves naps, tiny poops, and the Greenbelt. Her favorite foods are: leaves, lettuce, crumbs, and queso. Chicky Nuggs is especially fond of her big brown eyes, she uses them to break hearts.

Follow Nugget on Instagram: @chickynuggs

BunBun

Prof. Milo

BunBun, the autistic cat, and Professor Milo, the kitty with a shoe fetish.

Says Mom: "Milo is nearly 5 yrs old and adopted from Town Lake when it was still under the city.  BunBun (formerly Bunny) was taken in to be Milo's brother after some irresponsible college girls moved away without him.  His age is unknown but I would guess he's around 5 as well.  They are as thick as thieves and share a deep homosexual love for each other."

Send me your fur baby photos! I'll be posting more this week leading up to the benefit. 
Email: missaustingal@gmail.com

Follow me on Twitter and Instagram - @missaustintexas

I Wanna Be Your Dog III

Puppies and kitties unite! The lovely ladies who put on the annual I Wanna Be Your Dog fundraiser are back, and this year is better than ever! Next weekend, February 9th at Hotel Vegas come support the cause. 100% of all money donated and raised goes to Austin Pets Alive! IWBYD has really stepped up the efforts with a ton of local businesses donating to the silent auction and raffle.

Silent auction items will include goodies from:

Austin Film Festival
Uchi
Congress Restaurant
MOSS
Waterloo Records
Neiman Marcus
Avant
Keihl's

And...they will be raffling off 2 Jet Blue airline tickets, and SXSW wristbands!!

Frank will be providing hot dogs from 8-11 pm, the silent auction is until midnight, and there will be bands all night. So, pretty much get there early so you can win some cool shit, ok?

See you there!

This is my angel, Lola. Let's help out her furry friends!

Send me photos of your furry friends, and I'll post on here leading up to the benefit.
Email me: missaustingal@gmail.com