What the fuck are these? I saw some dude running on Lady Bird Lake all proud and shit, like he is one with the earth. He had that pep in his step like he was burning way more calories than I. Well, the jokes on him because after he passed me, I had to stop because I was laughing so hard at him. Ha! I burned more calories.
Ok, I know you all might think this is not real, that dudes don't really wear these things, but they do! I saw some dipshit in New York City strolling around on his phone with his Muggs, sure he was in Chelsea, but no excuse, gay or not! This is a firm NO.
You know what, ladies, can you stop with this assault on the eyes too? I don't buy the comfort thing. We are ladies, we gave up being comfortable years ago. There is a certain kind of lady who wears Uggs, and a certain kind of man who likes women in Uggs. These people make Austin look like Houston or Dallas or some shit. How do these people even get laid? I don't get it.
Ladies, put on your pumps, take a shot of tequila, grab that man meat and take charge. Do it.
What are your dealbreakers???