Do people still do cocaine?

I believe it now. I am officially old. Not only do I need earplugs at shows to ensure not having a constant ringing in my ears the next day at work, but I am not getting offered drugs nearly as much anymore. Not that I do drugs really, but I'd like some manners in the ladies' room. I was at a bar downtown when some trixie walked in, opened her little purse and started chopping up something like some Wild and Wonderful Whites of West Virginia shit. I know this isn't exactly shocking, I've seen some weird stuff in bathrooms before (I once was at Jackalope downtown when Ron Jeremy was hanging out there. I saw him go to the restroom with two local ladies. I followed. I was in the next stall when no lie, I heard him say, "If you show me yours, I'll show you mine." Kind of gross, I know, but entertaining as well. I was just waiting for an old, purple snake to plop on the floor next to my foot. It didn't and I didn't see anything except the birth of a new hybrid strain of Austin/LA/filthy bathroom herpes).

Anyway, this girl is getting her Saturday night on and I'm just trying to not touch anything in sight (another sign of approaching AARP membership). I am flushing with my foot and using my elbow to get a paper towel when I hear her meekly ask me if I want some. Shit, I'm still in! I politely decline. We start chatting a bit when I look up at her and her nose just starts dripping with blood. Girl! A sure sign you might have a problem is when you've dripped blood on yourself and on the bathroom floor (this also reaffirms my OCD in public restrooms) all the while not having a clue what is happening. Her spaced-out, blank stare with blood drops on her cute little dress gave me the giggles. Pobrecita.

You know, do what you want, jam as much rat poison up your dying nose and stay up for days and days. Do it. Have fun. Just know, you're not fooling anyone. We know you don't have a cold or allergies or insomnia. Own your shit. Be an honest addict at least, otherwise, we can just follow the drops of blood around Austin to find you.