Selfie Scale

Selifes. What a funny word. I think this phenomenon of posting photos of oneself is entertaining, a bit eye-rolling wrapped in a whole lot of judgement. I love it, but I also despise it. I like to have fun with social media as much as the next drunk, but I also have the platform to call you vanity plates out so I decided to stamp it, rule it, notarize it and declare it. Done. This is the Selfie Scale.

If you rank on the basic 1-10 hot scale as a 1-4 or 9-10, then you have the green light to post selfies. You 5-8ers need to chill with this shit. By 5-8ers, I mean the majority of you. Selfies are a tricky thing. I realize you're bored in your bedroom and can't think of anything else to do other than reach out for social media affirmations, and I thank you for the unintentional humor, but read a fucking book or doodle in your Trapper Keeper or something for fuck's sake. This is not me "hating" (please don't ever throw that word my way), this is me laying it down. Yes, I have posted a few drunk selfies on my Instagram but that is because I am a solid 4, ok? I pass.

Let me break it down. If you take vacationing photos of yourself, photos of you and pals, photos of you and booze, or photos of you just doing shit, I say great. This rule applies to the 5-8ers who need to feel pretty on a Tuesday with their bedroom fuckery.

Now, if you're a 9-10er, well then hot damn, take your shit off and share it with the world. But hold on, if YOU think you are a 9 or 10, well, we all know that you're probably a 7 or 8, let's be honest. Only I can determine if you are a 9 or 10, ok? Me, and all my Miss Austin readers.

Here are some more of my acceptable selfies, as a 4, doin' shit:

Boozin sefie: check!

Medical selfie: check!

Selfie with friend: check!

Vacationing selfie: check!

Boozin selfie: check!

You guys feeling me? If you need me to give you a 1-4 or 9-10 selfie certificate or some shit that will give you a pass to be weird and vain as fuck on Facebook and Instagram, then email me. I already have something drafted up. 

Follow me on Instagram and Twitter: @missaustintexas