Pool Time For Everyone!

Other than Mud Butt, the worse way to describe the Texas heat has to be Sticky Balls. Is there anything more repulsive than the image of two steamy hot sticky glands jammed in some moist cotton man panties? Gag. Ladies, we have to thank the heavens that we don't have those things between our legs. I am too hot natured for that shit. The sad truth of the matter is we don't all have a little pool at home to chill in with our michelada after a long work day, and that chaps my hide. If you work hard to pay them bills and make a living, you deserve some cool standing water, dammit. If you're a lazy, video game playing stoner, well then, you just need to put your sticky balls in the shower and call it a day. You don't deserve standing water, dirty ass.

Sometimes I just want to lay by a pool with a book, or music and just chill. Yes, the Greenbelt is badass, Barton Springs is fun, and all the other swimmin' holes kick ass, but sometimes I just want to be alone. Silence, a beer, and cold water, that's it.

Now, I am not condoning breaking and entering, just a easy jump of a fence or getting into character as a sunning tenant, is all. Easy, harmless. I try to avoid the mega-apartment complexes, mainly because there are too many Joe Cool's there who bring out the Mexi-rage.

Here are my picks for best apartment pools to break in to for a day:

Forest Creek Apartments (1401 St. Edwards Drive  Austin, TX 78704)
Why don't they just let bums come squat here? This shit is not secure, and thank you for it. Sometimes this place is a bit crowded (secret must be out) with them kids going nuts with their fun and all, but I've been here for a refreshing dip during the day and for a nice night swim. Dudes, the last time I was here for a night swim, the ladies were all topless. What a bonus, huh?! (I'm raising my eyebrows up and down real fast-like as I am writing this). This shit is not fancy, just easy.

Stoney Ridge Apartments (3200 South 1st Street Austin, TX 78704)
Ok, this pool is kind of in the middle of a parking lot, but hey, it works. It's quiet and clean. I've been here so many times, the office folk wave and ask how I am doing. I give them the thumbs up and tell them my rent will be early that month. It's a great rapport I've created.

The Brook Apartments (1824 South I H 35 Austin, TX 78704)
Cue, "I Wanna Sex You Up". This pool isn't even surrounded by a fence so it's pretty much a free for all. Score! A huge plus is that there is a lot of green grass to lay on if you're in to that, and, there are quite a few BBQ pits if you feel like firing up some wieners. Not only that, but if you have a strong immune system you can brave the hot tub that is secluded on the side. I always thought of coming up with a chemical dye you can drop in public swimming pools to see if there are STD's present. I think I'm on to something.

Barton Creek Landing Apartments (2800 Bartons Bluff Ln Austin, TX 78746)
Shhhhh.. it's quiet here. I hit this up at 10:00 am and stay for a few hours to read, relax, and dip, then I'm out before the buffoons get up and at 'em on a Sunday morning. It's perfect. Take your morning coffee and chill.

Omni Hotel Downtown (700 San Jacinto at 8th Street Austin, Texas 78701)
Are you feeling adventurous? The rooftop pool at the Omni is pretty fun when you're drunk and it's midnight. I know this isn't an apartment, but I had to throw this one in. Getting in might be a little hairy, but nothing's mission impossible in my opinion when you have a pool in your sights. Work your magic, show a titty, whatever, because the view is beautiful.


I hate those pools that have a key pad to get in, what assholes. I am working on hacking that system, don't you worry. I will share with all very soon. Until then, use your towel as a protector against those metals bars, and as a harness if need be.

Happy pooling!