My FFFest: A Fan's Story

There are great stories from the FFFun weekend, this being just one. This dame recounts her anecdote, I had to share it with you:


"Dusty and dry like a 45-year old cat ladies pussy.
FFF started out rough. I was knee deep in indie rock and feeling like shit. I quit Friday short as I  thought I was being consumed with the flu. I went home made a cocktail of passion fruit Emergen C, grape Pedialyte, and Robitussin, and garnished it with a lemon/mint Ricola, and went to bed. Fuck, was my weekend doomed before it even started?

I woke up the next day down, but not out. The dust was bitch slapping my face and Hot Snakes and The Damned were 8 hours away, but I saw the light.  I downed shots of 'Tussin and handfuls of Advil as I parked it in the artist tent between the cooler and La Condessa’s freebies. Before I knew it, I was back! I was on the Black Stage in a groupie gangbang of rock.  First Hot Snakes creamed my panties followed by a total 70’s punk, English orgasm… The Damned!

Was that all I could muster? I’m I too old for 3 full days? I pondered this as I approached the gate for Day 3. As I was wondering around trying to find my inner metal juju, a bearded fairy cruised up next to me in his golf cart, "I found a Dr. to make the pain go away." This bearded fairy wasn't just anyone, he is an old friend with the best connections. He drove me over to a cozy tent to see Dr. Bob, who happens to be Slayer's doctor! Dr. Bob asked me if I was feeling a little un-metal? I nodded. He pulled out his trusty black bag, pushed up my sleeve, swabbed my arm and jammed me full of B-12! Yes! I was back in black! Thank you, Dr. Bob, Day 3 was rad! I ended up on the Blue Stage for amazing hip-hop, met Ryan Gosling and saw a stellar new band, No Bunny. I scammed a thirty pack of Tito’s vodka and ditched my drunken mess of a friend right in time for Slayer. Front stage, mid-set I think I screamed "Doooctor Bob!" at least twenty times with old metal friends surrounding me like a warm mosh pit blanket, head-banging, fist flying metal euphoria."


This bitch is bitchin'. Thanks for sharing, lady.