FFF Fest! I'm Going to Hump Exene's Leg, and Avoid De La Soul

This is going to be so badass! Tickets are on sale today for Fun Fun Fun Fest! Check out the line-up, it's pretty solid. I will probably live and die by the Black stage - X (fucking love Exene), Against Me!, Refused, The Briefs, Turbonegro, Riverboat Gamblers, Dwarves, Valient Thorr, just to name a few. I do plan to venture off to see some other notables like: Run DMC (duh - It's Like That!), Santigold, David Cross and some others, but you can find my dead, drunk carcass adjacent to the Black stage. Bring me a water, please.

It seems like there is a little bit of everything to wet your whistle. I did see that De La Soul is on the list. There's a funny story with my memory with De La Soul from my youth. When I was in elementary school, I remember being in gym class with my Cross Colors shirt.

You all remember this shit, right? Or, did I just date myself? Anyway, I was sitting on the bleachers with my cool Cross Colors shirt, hanging with friends. When I started to feel a twinge of discomfort. I don't know what happened, or why I waited so long to go to the restroom, but I fucking vomited all over my shorts, the bleachers, and most importantly, my prized Cross Colors shirt. Mortified. I remember that fucking song, "Me, Myself, and I" playing in the gym and it traumatized me. After that, you know how you had to go to the nurse to get a change of clothes? Well, I had to wear some grimy sweatpants and over sized Astros T-shirt until my Mom could bring me a new pair of clothes. I looked like the saddest little brown girl, I just know it. I think I had to wash the ends of my hair too because somehow chunks ended up there. When I went back to the gym, the custodians were pouring those brown wood chips on the vomit spot to keep the other kids from vomiting. I also have an strong aversion to those wood chips, don't get me started.

That's why I won't be seeing De La Soul. I'm sure they're great dudes and all and with great tunes, but I can't handle if I vomit on my Cross Colors shirt at the Fest. No way.