Home Slice, I Love You.

Calzone: (käl-sō'nĕ, kăl-zō'nē) A baked or fried Italian turnover of pizza dough filled with vegetables, meat, or cheese

Calzones: (kahl-sown-ehs) Underwear. Also, chones

(choe-nehs)

Did you know this delicious Italian treat has multiple meanings? Growing up, I always knew calzones as my dad's whitey tighties. Still, as an adult, I get the childish giggles when someone orders a calzone. I can't help it, I'm not right. I went to Home Slice this weekend with my parents when my dad got real funny, like my kind of funny. We sit down, order some beverages. The lovely waitress asks us if we would like to order a pie or a calzone, perhaps. As soon as I heard her say calzone, I knew it was on. My dad starts fucking with her so hardcore, in a playful way, of course. 

"Mumblemumblemumble, chingao. Mis mumblemumbles calzones, chingao."

Then he just starts cracking up at his own calzones joke. I have no idea what he said, it doesn't really matter. I know he was referencing his own calzones, that's enough. I explain to the waitress that he is making a joke about his underpants. She laughs. We all laugh. My mom is embarrassed. The waitress walks away and probably rolls her eyes.

I just want to tell that waitress at Home Slice that I love her, and I want her to be the next Babe of the Week. She didn't fold under the borderline inappropriate, waist-snapping calzones pressure. I'm guessing calzones jokes might be frowned upon during supper in other establishments like P.F. Chang's or some shit, but not at the best pie joint in my neck of the woods. I love you, waitress. I love you, Home Slice.