HUNKS OF THE WEEK

This week I'm giving it to you where it feels nice and smooth. That place where you want to crawl up with a breakfast taco and a hot pair of tits. That warm place that drizzles tequila raindrops, and $1 pints. This is the place where work doesn't really exist, we all just float around clinking beer mugs and blowing kisses to each other. This is utopia. Welcome, The Austin Facial Hair Club, they are our Hunks of the Week!


I was lucky enough to gather a handful of the members for some quality time, and they were such sweet dudes I'm bummed I didn't find them sooner. Well, here we are, finally, and I am in love with them all. As most of you know, I am a avid lover of man hair and I agree with their slogan, "Don't Shave" wholeheartedly. These are some sexy beards and I love it all. DON'T SHAVE.

Come check them out this weekend at their annual beard and mustache competition, Come and Shave it 7,  on Saturday, Feb. 23 at the Mohawk and buy these dudes a beer. Buy me one too, I'll be there. On your feet, Austin!

Just a sweet handful of beards: Michael Schrader, Jessica Ives, Bryan Nelson, Miletus Callahan-Barile, Allen Demling, and Alex LaRoche.

Bryan Nelson

Jessica Ives

Alex LaRoche

Miletus Callahan-Barile

Allen Demling

Taylor W.

Mike Schrader

What’s with all the gingers in AFHC? I need to see more brownie beardos. Can I get in the club? Are beardless Latinas allowed? How does this work?

BN: Something in the water?

AL: Most of us prefer "red-head" to "ginger." I hadn't heard that term "ginger" used ever in my life until that South Park episode brought it into the American pop-culture lexicon. Roll out the red carpet!

AD: When you mix a fiery soul (gingers have souls too!) and copious amounts of Fireball, the natural result is a burning red man mane. We don’t discriminate, anyone can join as long as you like to party.

BN: We have regular meetings where we plan upcoming events, see which of our members want to go to competitions (from local to all over the world), and in general talk about what we can do as a club to promote facial hair awareness and positive facial hair acceptance.

 

Jessica, I like that you are representing the ladies in the Austin Facial Hair Club! How do you feel about being outnumbered by all these hairy men? 

I don’t mind it all. I would rather be around a group of bearded hunks than a group of squawking women.

As hair lovers who proudly state “Don’t Shave” how do you feel about the ladies in relation to hair vs. no hair? We’re talking below the neck. Do you prefer a steep, dangerous trek at the Greenbelt, or are you a fan of a well-tailored trail like Town Lake?

Miletus: Well I am not a man who shies away from adventure, though I do need some grass on the playing field. Scorched earth is just no bueno.

AD: Whatever you do, do it like a boss. I don’t care if it’s a forest or freshly waxed, as long as it’s well maintained.

AL: Whatever makes each women feel the most comfortable and sexy is the way I want it presented. That being said, I appreciate some bit of grooming as well. 

TW: Whatever that individual is cool with and prefers is their business, and I'm cool with whatever happens down below. 

BN: I like my wife however she wants to present herself and her lady-parts. I love her for who she is inside, and as frequently as possible on the outside, regardless of the terrain. Personally, I am more of a Greenbelt kind of guy. There are pheromones in them-there hairs. 

What/who are your hair inspirations?

JI: My inspiration comes from within most of the time. But the one bearded lady I love who always has the sickest beard is Ashley Brown from RVA Beard League. She has the best beards out of all of us girls out there, well at least the ones I’ve seen.

TW: Neil deGrasse Tyson, Stalin, Friedrich Nietzsche, Hulk Hogan, moustache cat, my Dad, and my ancestors who all likely had red beards.

AL: Billy Gibbons, Brandon Biggins, Bryan Nelson, and the dude I saw in 1991 at Six Flags Over Georgia doing a skate demo with mega-chops.

BN: Animal Chin, Lee Ralph. 

What do you love most about Austin?

Miletus: I have been here almost all my life, and I can sum it up in one word: MIGAS!

AD: The underground tunnel system where Bane and the CHUD are assembling the world’s greatest kickball team.

TW: The people. Breakfast tacos come in at a close second.

JI: My favorite thing about Austin is the environment (not the actual landscape of our beautiful city) but the activities and the people! I have traveled a far bit to other cities for work and competitions and our city has always had the most accepting crowds and faces. You can be who you are in our city without judgment, most people are curious why you are the way you are and either way they accept and support you.  

Where do you like to hangout (so Miss Austin fans can stalk you)?

AD: Earl Campbell’s in the airport. Nothing better than spending $7 on a pint of beer!

AL: Grackle, Brixton, Mohawk, Austin Rifle Club, Capital City Clays, Justine's, Polvo's, Black Star Co-op, Draught Horse, Jester King, East Side King, and a shitty plastic chair near 12th and Chicon. 

Miletus: It depends on the mood. I can sticking to my roots drinking in some Texas honky-tonk, watching the parade on E. 6th st, or communing with nature on the front porch.

What are your deal breakers in regards to relationships? Deal makers?

BN: When I did date, a few girls asked me to shave. They are not who I ended up marrying. Deal makers are acceptance, motivation, and PMA. Deal breakers are jealousy, pessimism, and complacency. 
AL: Makers: Dog friendly, I want to have babies some day, someone who can deal with me traveling all the time, and someone who likes to eat and drink good stuff. Breakers: Stoners, dreadlocks, fans of The Strokes, biters, one who complains all the time, and probably a bunch of other stuff. 
MS: Deal breakers are people who aren't cool and can't cook. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. 
AD: I only date women with three breasts. Let's go to Mars, baby!
Miletus: Deal breakers: A dislike for overalls, couple's dancing, and music to accentuate a good day. 

Do you get more or less play with facial hair? Do you attract a different caliber of person with facial hair?

AD:  Let’s just say the pogonophiles out there tend to be more aggressive and a little kinkier. A dude with a huge beard is probably on some sort of bucket list or something, and who am I to keep people from meeting their goals?
Miletus: A lady never asks, and a gentleman never tells.
MS: Facial hair isn't for everyone. I like to equate it to the New York Yankees - you either really love them, or really despise them. 

With dedicated beards as yours, do you find it annoying when people come up and yank your beard? How do you respond to these boundaryless people?
TW: Once someone came up and yanked my moustache.  Once. But seriously people, don't do that.  It'd be like if a stranger just walked up to you and reached in your nose or touched your tooth.  Its someone else's face... a pretty serious boundary issue.
BN: Sometimes people will touch my beard without asking, and that is not very nice. Usually it is girls, and I don't think they intend to be rude, but it's similar to a guy coming up and just grabbing some girls hair and stroking it, or grabbing other parts... I know a beard isn't flesh, but beards are like breasts as far as body placement and other people's eye contact is concerned. Many different sizes, shapes, etc... all are great. People need to respect personal boundaries; that's just part of functioning as a part of society.
JI: Absolutely, I think most of them also find it annoying as well. I get mostly protective over my lover, Michael Schrader. If a woman wants to touch his chops she has to ask me. If I think they are a sleazy whore I’ll tell them no. Most of them are very sweet and are just generally curious to see how it feels. If a man wants to touch it (that’s just weird, and rarely happens) I let Mike handle it mostly because it’s so awkward and funny to see the interaction between them!

What’s the best and worst thing about having all that facial hair?

TW: Worst....  I love soup.  Soup doesn't go well with a giant moustache.
Best....  It seems to draw genuine curiosity and be an ice-breaker with people.

MS:  Having to buy more product than ever in my life, to keep from looking homeless. You’ll need to shampoo, condition, use oils, and other various items. The products are getting better so hopefully someone with cater to men and make an all in one product.

AL:  Smelling and remembering the soup you ate hours after you ate it.  Or ANYTHING really.

BN:  Best thing is being and looking awesome. Worst thing is to see all the guys out there who will never realize their follicular potential... they just keep shaving every day, denying their beard the chance to thrive.

What’s coming up for Austin Facial Hair Club? Upcoming competitions or events? Anything else we should know about you? Arrest record? 

BN: Feb. 23 is Come and Shave it 7, our local Beard and Moustache Competition. We have a weekend of events planned and expect competitors from all over the country to be in attendance. During SXSW we will be keeping it real at The Grackle.
TW: Bryan Nelson still won't be shaving.  Allen Demling will become governor of Texas.  Ben Whittney will fly a fighter jet using only his mind.  BFG will still rule. We are also trying to host the next World Beard and Moustache Championships here in Texas in the coming years.

Miletus:  Oh the usual. A continuing journey bringing Texas and facial hair to the people of the world. If you need to know more buy me a couple of drinks.