Uncle Tio



This lovely gentleman is not actually Uncle Uncle, but he might be the future Mr. Austin.

I was thinking about the holidays and my drunk Uncle Tio today. I never knew why we called him Uncle Uncle growing up, but now I know it's because he is a fucking drunk, inappropriate, hilarious mess. I'm heading to San Antonio this weekend to spend that quality time with my family, Uncle Tio will be there. One of Uncle Tio's fun tricks is that he has alcohol induced narcolepsy. Yes, he has fallen asleep standing up mid-conversation, in the bathroom, at the dinner table, and dressed up as Santa. This only happens when he downs the sauce. I love him. The best is that he diagnosed himself and is now taking medication to cure his disorder. He gulps down some ephedra-type pills with his scotch and he fucking parties. We have a Christmas party every year, and last Christmas my father had to put him in a cab back to his hotel as he was getting a little too friendly with some ladies, then passing out while standing talking to some family friends.
I heard my father say, "Tio, you're not a playboy any more, tone it down, chingao." Oh, shit! A playboy?! Uncle Uncle used to pull some wool back in his day? I guess I can kind of see it. He was a hot piece of man meat before the dependency problem. And, I guess it would be kind of cool to have a some dude pass out and you could just push him out of the car, or just leave him altogether. Easy.

Feliz Navidad, people. From me and Uncle Uncle.
XO