INKED

I'm sick of tattoos having meaning. I'm even more sick of you trying to spin how meaningful your latest tattoo is. So you were down and out before you went to the Alamo Drafthouse and saw The Green Lantern? Now you have Ryan Reynolds as The Green Lantern tattooed on your forearm because he gave you the strength and will during that trying time in your life when you had no job and couldn't pay your rent. Spending your last $10 at the movies enabled you to see the "Now Hiring" sign at the concession stand, now you're Regional Manager. Great, I got it.

I think if you are going to permanently scar your body, why be so serious? Shit needs to be ridiculous, makes sense to me. I have seen some noteworthy tattoos in my life. I've also seen some that make my eyes roll so far back in my head, I've lost at least a few dozen contacts. Luckily, I have been able to document a few I've seen, others are just happy memories.


YES:

"Reeding is for Faggots." Jesus, I love Florida. I have never been there, but I imagine it to be this utopia of white skin, eczema, poor hygiene, and home to some of the most amazing tattoos on the planet. Is there a tattoo convention in Clearwater, FL? Does anyone know? I need to go there.

One of the worst/best portraits out there. Charles Bukowski is one ugly motherfucker and this dude has his mug on his chest for life. I think he should've went all the way and somehow put a few dirty vaginas on a bar stool around him with the Hollywood sign in the distance. There's always additions to be made, I suppose.

See! Florida is the best place on earth. Realistic dick portraits turn me on, especially the winged, STD rocket shooting kind. You can totally tell what this guy's face looks like, right? I can too.


Some other notables are:

Vaginal Speculum.
This dude has this on his inner bicep. Fucking amazing.

Flying Limousine.
One of best chest pieces I've seen. A raw sketch of a flying 80's limo, genius.

Portraits of loved ones with colored contacts.
HAHA. Yes.

Bloody Canadian leaf being bludgeoned by half American flag, half Texas flag.
Bloody and amazing.

Any food tattoos.
I've seen a chicken fried steak platter on a dude's chest, it kind of made me hungry.

Incredibly offensive tattoos.
Abuelita in a wheelchair with "La Migra" in Old English on top.
Jigaboo tattoos. Holy shit, you can't leave the house with that. You have massive balls, it's hard for me to comment.

Maybe I'm alone here but I think ladies who get huge chest pieces should be spanked (in a bad way). There is a small percentage of women who can pull this off, very small. I'm not talking about the shoulders, I think that's sexy, this is chest specific. It's hard for me to get behind desecrating one of the most beautiful areas on a woman. Have you noticed that most chest pieces are some dumb, winged insect? "Well, the cracked wing represents the struggle I went through growing up in a single family home. The sewn up portion represents where I am now in my forgiveness, and the red and white pattern on the wings was the pattern of the shirt my father was wearing when he left my mom and I."

Bitch needs a flying limo on her chest and a sock in her mouth. These tattoos remind me of art students with too many art supplies and not enough good ideas.