Dita Von Lopez

I am infatuated with Dita Von Teese, she can do no wrong in my eyes. Her body is fucking amazing and she has perfected the art of the tease. You know what she's really good at? Everything. She even walks on her tippy toes like a fucking ballerina for optimum sex appeal. Jesus.

Well, I am putting my own spin on her Absinthe Dance. I have a little routine in the works called, "Tequila Me Hace Córneo." Obviously, it takes place in a big margarita glass. However, there are a few differences in wardrobe. I shredded one of my abuelita's traditional Mexican dresses to just a few dangling embroidered flowers. Under that I placed tortilla chips as pasties and mustered up scraps of corn tortillas I found on the floor at a Mexican restaurant as a thong. That shit is hot. After I peel off the dress, I eat the tortilla chips off my tits, then I slide in to the splits on to an oversized enchilada. After I rub that Tex Mex meat sauce all over my body, I jump in the rita glass. Just like her, I sit and spin to wash the dirty Mexican off me. Then I grab the jalapeno prop and hug it to squeeze the tequila all over me, burns my eyes a bit, but it's sexy nonetheless. After my final spin, I gulp the entire glass, like a lady, of course. Dita Von Lopez.

This little routine is on reserve for the next borracho who comes stumbling over to my place. He has no idea the good fortune he just stumbled upon.

¡Buena suerte!