Critter Tooth Fucktard

You know what's really fucked up? When hot tamales get insulted by critter teeth motherfuckers in broad daylight.

I was minding my own business with some friends when this guy came up to me and starts chatting. I can chat with anyone, even dudes who look as if they have been brushing their teeth with a steel wool toothbrush and Mr. Pibb toothpaste, I'm not an asshole, that's fine. This guy wasn't even homeless, if that's what you're thinking, I saw him drive off in a Hyundai.

He asks me what I do, just like that, "What do you do?" I hate that question. I find it to be such a lazy, I'm not really interested in you, I am just asking this vague question to appease you bullshit. So I give him my generic response, "I work a day job ____, and I also write." Old Critter just starts laughing at me and murmurs, "Typical." When I heard that shit, I was all over his ass. I put my drink down, squared up to him directly, and said, "Yeah, I guess it is pretty typical to work for a living, brush my teeth properly every day, put a smile on my face and be kind to people. Perhaps, to be atypical I must walk up to strangers, frighten them with the middle finger I gave to hygiene at age 14 and hope to God someone will mistake my social inadequacy as charm." Oh, fuck. Old Critter is about to knock my teeth out, I just know it. I gotta get out of here. He tried to retaliate with some "Bitch" bullshit (who's typical now?) and lame insults. I kind of giggled and as I was leaving said, "Good luck getting some broad to sit on your face with those critter teeth, Old Critter."

I hope Old Critter doesn't know where I live.