Shit, or Get Off the Pot!

Does it get more straightforward than that? This term can be applied to so many situations and make so much sense it will kind of blow your mind. Tonight, after the sun has set and all the Austinites are getting home from their day, take a look outside your window, you will see a wave of light bulbs going off across the city as they read this shit. Our little city will be like a beacon from outer space.



When I'm waiting in line to order my coffee: Shit, or get off the pot!
I only have a certain amount of time to get to work. If you can't decide on a latte, soy, two Splenda, cinnamon, blah blah blah vs. a chai tea latte, soy, two Splenda, cinnamon, blah blah blah, step aside. I want a fucking black coffee and I am getting violent listening to your high maintenance ordering.
SOGOTP!



Shut your lonely trap:  Shit, or get off the pot!
"I can't meet anyone in this city, I'm so lonely." Ladies, stand up straight, use those shoulders, put yourself out there. Don't be the meek gal in the corner giving off the "I hate fucking vibe." If your eyes say I hate fucking, chances are you hate fucking so you will be ignored. We all love fucking, now you're left out. I don't even want to talk to you.
Dudes, quit with the bitching that every cool girl has a boyfriend shit. I have an idea, quit being lazy and venture out past the two seedy bars you frequent and ask a girl out on a proper date already.
SOGOTP!



Stringing girls/guys along: Shit, or get off the pot!
Don't be a dick. If you have an overwhelming urge to partake in dubious activities, thus putting your partner at risk of acquiring bumps on their pretty lady/man parts without them being any wiser to your activities, you need to cut the cord. That's shitty. Be single or don't be.
SOGOTP!



Settling, in your job or otherwise: Shit, or get off the pot!
Never settle. Settling in any situation, regardless if you acknowledge it or not, will eventually burst in flames before your eyes. You hate your job? Get that fancy resume together and go get 'em. You don't know how the hell you ended up with such a manly woman as a girlfriend? Pull the plug. If you are going to settle, then you need to stop your bitching and get off the pot because I can't listen to it anymore.
SOGOTP!



You've been in college for how long? Shit, or get off the pot!
You started college at age 18. You are now 29. Jesus, get a fucking tutor for Comp 1, already. What exactly have you been doing for 11 years? I am speaking specifically to the undergraduate community on this one. At this point, I suppose you can't quit, that would be kind of dumb, but I would say if you've been in an undergraduate program for this long, 1) Quit fucking changing your major 2) Take more than 6 hours a semester, and 3) Think of a good story when asked why you have been in school for that long and have nothing to show for it because we are all thinking something is majorly wrong with you.
SOGOTP!