I Lay Before You

I kind of embarrassed myself this weekend. Shocker. Saturday night I was out and about with some friends on S. Congress and I stumbled upon a nice, young guitar player named Trent Turner. At first I wasn't too phased by his skills, yes, he was good, but his forte was the Blues and I'm not really into the Blues. Anyway, we grab drinks and sit to chill under some trees. The night is cooling off and we're having a good time. Trent Turner has a loyal following as we were surrounded by a large group of people enjoying the show. I was having fun as it provided good background music to our banter. Let's face it, I'm a fan of any loud music that drowns out my shrill of a voice so fellow patrons can't eavesdrop into my conversation.

After a few margaritas I look up and notice Trent Turner start to play the guitar with his tongue in the most sexually overt manner. You know when you were a kid watching Tom & Jerry and Tom would see some hot, sexy harlot, his heart would start pounding out of his chest and his eyeballs popped out with hearts as his pupils? Well, that was me when I saw this (speed up to 1:55 mark):

Will you marry me?

Oh shit, now I'm fucking into this show. I get so mesmerized by this, it seems my margaritas are going down in one teeny sip (never good) and I start staring at him like I am about to eat his shit for dinner. As the sun sets and my balls get bigger, I decide to make a statement to Mr. Turner. Towards the end of his set, I decide to get up, go to the front of the stage and just lay down right in front of him during his tonguing rendition of The Rolling Stones, "Miss You". Just lay down. Real subtle.

What makes this scene funnier is there are people dancing around me, kicking up dirt, having a great time. No one cares about the crazy lady on the ground hoping to secretly slip the guitar out of Mr. Turner's hands and replace it with a sizzling, hot tamale lady. That didn't happen.

All that did end up happening was I had to go home and change my clothes because I was covered in dirt and cigarette butts.

If someone has a photo of a lady who looks like she passed out in front of a stage, face up, gripping a margarita, please send it to me, I need a record of this.