Rump!

Some people say you can tell a lot about a person by looking into their eyes. I disagree.  If you want to know exactly what you're getting yourself into, take a long, hard look at their ass. I believe a person's rump tells a pretty entertaining and accurate story. It's a window to their personality, interests, hygiene, eating habits, sexual stamina, even musical preference. Everything. Sometimes I think asses should have a shelf on their door like at the doctor's office because some asses are like having their chart right out there for you to see. The fact is you can save so much time and energy by just doing a awkward walk around and quick peek. (Ted Nugent's "Paralyzed" starts blaring from the speakers above when you look at my ass, true story).

See if you see what I see when I observed these asses...

Shouldn't gay coke and dancing all night at Oil Can Harry's make you waifish and less indolent? Also, he smells like an  ashtray filled with 50 old cigarette butts sitting on the bar at The Horseshoe Lounge. I just threw up a little.

"Uhh, 'scuse me, uhhh, can you, uhhhh, 'scuse uhhhhh.....can you, uhhhh.....lick my balls?" **

 I haven't paid full price for groceries or cat food in 20+ years.

"Ummmmm, is that a flip phone indention in your jeans??! Eww."

I like her. Her ass says, "yeah, look at my shit. That's right, you know you like it. I'm puttin' it out there because I look fuckin' good goin to lunch n shit." I want to hang with her ass.



I'm going to start writing my number on my ass in chocolate then let my dog lick it off. I think that will say a lot about me along with Ted Nugent.


**This is a Chris Rock joke.